Pressure and Time

I almost wanted to post this after my first three days on the job, there's been so much to talk about. This first week on the job have pretty much been all over the map: exciting, stressful, enjoyable, frustrating, rewarding... Overall, though, it's been great. I can see why people love the job and are extremely inclined to stick around. I'm also pretty sure I'll end up being one of those people.

It's been a weird mix of trying to learn a lot of material, and being thrown to the wolves. Days 1 and 4, they were filling me up with as much material about the job as is humanly possible. There were times I thought I'd end up like Cloud from Final Fantasy 7, unable to move and drooling all over myself from the information overload. There are about a dozen software programs I have to be familiar with, and half of those are seemingly vast and infinite in their intricacies and and complexities. As soon as I was given a brief overview about one, I'd quickly move on to another. One of the concepts I'm learning is even more difficult than trying to figure out the situation in Afghanistan. And there's still more I have to learn, some of which will become obsolete quickly as we work to upgrade our software system. If anything is going to push me towards rampant alcohol use, this sheer amount of information is it.

The other days, after going through the assault on my cognitive processes, I was left to my own devices to work on service requests for our client. It's the equivalent of giving a Cub Scout a crash course in survival, then leaving him in the Amazon with a broken leg and a knife. I'd read a request, for example, and see that our system's configuration had to be changed, or I'd have to write some SQL to make something work. Except I'm not too familiar with the system, and my knowledge of SQL up to this point has been limited to some Select and Join statements. I'd spend the rest of the day trying to implement a solution, only to figure out I'd been doing it wrong the entire time. I ended the day on that note Tuesday, frustrated and demoralized, wondering if I made the right choice or if I was cut out for the job. I like to consider myself a relatively bright guy, but I felt like an utter moron for the first time in ages.

That all changed Wednesday. I went back in and worked on another problem before returning to the rat bastard that bitch slapped me the day before. It took several hours, but by the end of the day I finally figured out what needed to happen. And I was able to do it. Google provided an assist, but left to my own devices I devised a solution even my team lead said was good and probably better than he would have came up with. The satisfaction of a job well done was exhilarating. I walked out more determined than ever to kick ass and take names, and knew then and there I had made the best career choice possible. It'll be really hard, but I've seen now I can do it. I can do well at this job.

A co-worker brought up a great point in a separate conversation. The company I'm working for specifically hires bright, Type A individuals because the work is difficult. They know it isn't easy, so they hire people who are self-motivated and determined to do the best work possible, and they compensate/treat them accordingly. It isn't for everyone. I've been told of people who burn out because they find it too stressful or just can't handle the load. That isn't a knock against them; more than anything, they're examples of why it's important to find ways to relax, pick up a hobby, or do something that takes your mind off work. It's why the company pushes people to use their vacation days, and forces them to take time off if they bank a lot of work hours.

Most importantly, though, is they don't expect me to become proficient in all this stuff within a month. My coworkers keep telling me not to worry if I don't understand everything because it takes time. I've heard from them it takes anywhere between 6 months to a year and a half to become comfortable and feel like you know what's going on. Even then, it might take more time. I've heard on a daily basis people say "Huh, I didn't know you could do that," or "I have no idea how that works" - and some of them have been around for five years. One of the service requests I was working on required five people to solve because no one knew how to do it on their own. Everyone keeps encouraging me to ask questions and not to be afraid to ask for help, because it will help me understand everything sooner. They've all been where I am, and are always willing to lend me a hand when I need it.

I wouldn't have things any other way. I didn't want to get into a job where I would perform rote, mundane tasks on a daily basis. I wanted to be challenged, to use my brain on a daily basis so I wouldn't be bored for 40+ hours a week. That's the way I'm wired, and it won't change any time soon. I just need to take things one step at a time, and use my brain to figure problems out for myself. If I need help, it's not because I'm incompetent, I just need to learn. It isn't embarrassing or weak of me to ask questions; I should be asking them. I will get to where I need to be. In the mean time, I just need to relax and have faith in my abilities. If I can do that, I know I'll be successful.